Theories of Love..

Rubin’s theory
Psychologist Zick Rubin, proposed that romantic love is made up of three elements :
Attachment, caring, and intimacy.

Attachment : is the need to receive care, approval, and physical contact with the other person.
Caring : involves valuing the other persons needs and happiness as much as your own.
Intimacy : refers to the sharing of thoughts, desires, and feelings with the other person.

Compassionate love and Passionate love theory
According to psychologist Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues, there are two basic types of love: compassionate love and passionate love.

Compassionate love : is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection, and trust. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for each other.

Passionate love : is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection. When these intense emotions are reciprocated, people feel elated and fulfilled. Unreciprocated love leads to feelings of despondence and despair. Hatfield suggests that passionate love is transitory, usually lasting between 6 and 30 months.

According to Hatfield, passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal lover, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person.

Ideally passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. While most people desire relationships that combine the security and stability of compassionate with the intensity of passionate love, Hatfield suggests that this is rare.

Lee’s Six Styles of Loving theory
According to this theory, in love, there are three primary styles:

1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
2. Ludos – Love as a game
3. Storge – Love as friendship

And, three secondary styles:
1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love

Triangular Theory of Love
Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed a triangular theory of love that suggests that there are three components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Different combinations of these three components result in different types of love. For example :

a combination of intimacy and commitment results in compassionate love,
while a combination of passion and intimacy leads to passionate love.

According to Sternberg, relationships built on two or more elements are more enduring that those based upon a single component. Sternberg uses the term consummate love to describe a combination of intimacy, passion, and commitment. While this type of love is the strongest and most enduring, Sternberg suggests that this type of love is rare.

… it’s nice to be in love, isn’t it? But, with the correct combination! :-)